Finding Childcare

"All good things come to an end." You've heard that expression, haven't you? While it may or may not be true, one thing that comes to an end for us working Mom's: Maternity Leave.

For those of us who are fortunate to take time off after one of the most life changing experiences (side note: why aren't all women entitled to time off after giving birth!?!?), we know that returning to work comes with its own set of challenges.

Childcare.

When my time to return to work rolled around, I was ready. After a year of being a little less than nothing but a milk-producing, poop-changing, non-sleeping, toy playing, baby chasing mother of a newborn, I was ready. Or at least I thought I was. All the books you read tell you to start looking for childcare right away. I couldn't imagine starting to look for childcare when I only could stare at an 8 pound newborn. Needless to say, my childcare search was put off for a long time. I do not think this affected finding childcare but in hindsight I would have liked to give myself a bit more time to meet more day-home operators to at least give myself a choice between homes.

I returned to work February of 2020 - my little boy was 2 weeks older than 1 year.

I thought we had lucked out. We found someone through a woman my family had known for decades. Ms. D spoke highly of this woman, knew her well, and helped get us in touch with her. After speaking with her, I was excited to find out that she had a newer day-home through a licensed agency. It was a topic of discussion between Jaxon's Dad and I whether we choose a private or public day-home, or if we opted for a daycare. We both agreed we felt more comfortable with a day-home through an agency because of the regular visits with the agency staff. Knowing this woman was through the agency, was definitely a bonus. She was the only day-home I looked at before choosing to place Jaxon in her care.

Dropping my man off for his first day was HARD. I thought I was ready, but he didn't want to leave me and I sure as hell didn't want to leave him. My anxiety was in full attack mode, and didn't subside all day, even though his first day went great! Beginners luck, I suppose. I wish I could say he had a few good days, but he didn't. He cried for me everyday. My little boy, who had spent nearly every minute of his life with his Mama, would stand at the front door of her day-home and cry for me for hours with no end.

Over the course of four weeks, he was in her care for eleven days. The crying didn't stop. A moment here or a minute there she could distract him enough to stop the crying, but never enough to keep him happy. He was not happy being there, and I fought wanting to know why. Was it our routine? I had only returned to work 4 days a week, and she was only able to take him 3. Two days with her, one day with Mom, one with her, one with Nana. Maybe he never adjusted? Was it something I did? Was he too attached to me? Although I couldn't imagine how he couldn't be attached to me. Maybe she couldn't adjust? Her day-home was new after all, plus he was the youngest of her kids.

Either way, ask Jaxon's Grandma and she'll tell you he was "kicked out" of day-home. (Again, in hindsight this all worked out in the end as this lady moved across the world and shut her day home down months later anyways). She couldn't handle the constant crying, and I didn't blame her. I couldn't handle knowing he was constantly crying!

And just like that, we were back to square one.

Que: COVID. Jaxon's Dad got laid off, which meant I didn't have to find alternative care...for a while at least and well, after our first experience I was less than enthused to start my search again. Plus we have two of the most supportive sets of grandparents who were always more than willing (and happy too) watch him if needed, long as they were available. But this was not a long term solution so the search had to commence.

I spoke with a ton more women the second time around. I made a list and I narrowed down my top choices. I sat down with Jaxon's Dad and we went through my list together. We decided if we wanted a provider who had experience, or someone who was new like our first home (our current provider has been operating a day-home for years and years). We looked at locations, and rates, and we looked into what other kids were in the homes. When it came time to meet the women, I made sure Dave was with me for an added opinion. His support made a huge difference. Having him there, we were both able to ask and hear the answers to any of our questions. We were able to discuss everything in full afterwards because we both received the same information.

It definitely also helped that Jaxon was going on 2 at that point. When we initially met his current day-home provider, we could tell right off the bat that he felt comfortable in her space. He wandered around like he owned the place, and didn't want to leave when it came time. Since placing him in her care, things have gone so smoothly. I often comment how easy it is going to work knowing he is being well taken care of.

So, what can I say that you can take away?

- Do your research and spend the time doing it...maybe not a year in advance like many sites, or books, will suggest, but give yourself enough time to interview a few people. Being able to see different homes and the difference in operations does provide insight, and gives you options! In our first home, the kids could have full access to the house (minus the bedrooms); our current home is ran strictly out of her basement to keep her family's living space and her workspace separate. I personally was hesitant about the basement situation, but have grown to agree that it's a great idea to have a separate space.

- Trust your gut! I wanted Jaxon to work in that first day-home so badly, but it wasn't working. Once again, in hindsight, we should have accepted that it wasn't the right place for him...it definitely would have saved some Mom guilt for this Mama.

- Ask questions. If it's your first time placing a child in care, then this is a brand new learning curve for us parents. I remember thinking that I didn't even know what questions to ask! Ask anything. Anything!! If you think of it, ask it. An experienced, and confident, care provider will have no problems answering your questions.

- Don't do it alone. Whether it's the child's other parent, your spouse, a friend, lean on others for support! Ask other people what kind of questions they asked; what kind of things they looked for; what kind of things they find work best. It takes a village to raise a child after all!

Disclaimer: these are just my opinions. Based on experience, I can only state what I've been through, and what I have taken away from it.

What other advice could you give parents who are looking to place their kids in care? Were you just as anxiety-ridden as I was on that first day? What kind of questions did you ask when interviewing candidates?

Let me know in the comments below!